If you’ve been following UrthAve, then you know that we’ve been trying to hit the gym on a regular basis for a while now. In the last several months, we’ve noticed that there are some classic characters that seem to recur fairly often at this place of improving physical fitness. Here are some of the people we always see at the gym.
The Uruk-Hai Chieftain. He can’t quietly lift weights. He prefers to let forth a howling roar that reverberates throughout the halls of the gym like the war-cry of one of those dreadful orcs from Lord of the Rings. Or maybe he sounds more like a cave-troll dropping a deuce. Who knows?
The Eyer. We call her the eyer because she’s always eyein’. You see her stealing furtive glances at you, comparing her outfit or her muscle tone to yours, or staring at the guys bench pressing at the back. Basically, she’s focused on everyone but herself, and as a result, she doesn’t really get that much done.
The Flexer. We thought about calling this one the narcissist but opted for the flexer because he really just spends so much damn time staring at himself flexing his muscles in the mirror. Why do they have to cover the walls in gyms with mirrors? Why?
Chicken Legs. This guy apparently has never heard of leg day. He spends all his time on working that upper body that he ignores those poor little sticks of his that look like they might buckle under all that weight. Yikes!
The Selfie Girl. She just can’t start her run on the treadmill without taking a maddeningly cute selfie in the mirror – those damn mirrors. She’ll then post it on Instagram so that all her followers can see how cool, fit, and hot she is because she goes to the gym. You know her – don’t lie!
King Leer. He’s similar to the eyer, but he can’t keep his eyes off of all the women in the gym. But eventually, his easily distracted self usually drops a dumbbell on his foot, and then he’s forced to go leer at the nurses in the hospital instead.
The Sauna. Upon leaving any type of machine that involved sitting or lying, the leather cushion is so soaked with sweat that you simply can’t come into contact with it. She doesn’t wipe it down with a towel, either. Not cool, sweaty betty. Not cool.
The Shirt-Remover. Every day the gym employees have to come tell him to put his shirt on. He claims he didn’t know about that rule, or that it’s too hot in here. But really, he just wants to show off his chiseled abs and sinewy arms to the female gym-goers. Egomaniac.
Stanky Steve. He always forgets the deodorant and smells like a septic tank. He makes your nostrils gag.
The Talker. You’re just trying to get your lift on to Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood like Drake was in the Apple Music commercial and she won’t stop talking to you about what she did last weekend or giving you unsolicited advice about your weight technique. One can’t help but wonder if she works out anything other than her vocal chords in here – she just won’t shut up!